Help from Herald!

Welcome to our new weekly segment, 

"Help from Herald!"

This week's question comes from "Hesitant Hugger":

Dear Herald,

During my time in seminary, I have discovered a few things.  Seminary has the tendency to place us in vulnerable situations and facilitates deeper relationships than at a "regular graduate school" simply from the content of the classes and community alone.  While I appreaciate this community, one thing that this brings about, for me, is the expectation of hugging.  Yes, hugging.  I'm not a "hugger."  I am comfortable hugging certain people in certain situations --- but for the most part, it's just not my thing.  This tends to create awkwardness during, say, Passing of the Peace at a community worship.  While I wish to extend my welcome and peace to those around me, I am often uncomfortable when people assume that I would like to engage in a hug.

How can I respect other people's needs for closeness and welcoming while still protecting my own personal boundaries?

Sincerely,

Hesitant Hugger

Dear Hesitant,

Thank you so much for your question! First and foremost, I would like to ask you if you have recently taken the "Professional Boundaries" workshop that McCormick offers.  If you have not, I strongly suggest it!  Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries....

I would like to let you know that you are not alone in your uncomfortableness with hugging.  In my own experience, it seems that people who are huggers often assume that everyone around them is also a hugger: which can create issues.  I'm wondering if suggesting alternate ways of passing the peace and sharing your concern for others --- not necessarily explicitly, but informally and subtlety --- might be an option for you.  Offering the handshake to welcome before the other person extends their arms for a hug .... high-fiving or fist bumping ... or creating another way of welcoming others that you are comfortable doing.

Sometimes it might seem like you are a non-hugger living in a hugger's world while in seminary.  However, please know that you are not alone --- there are so many ways to show others compassion and caring that hugging does not have to hinder your comfort while you are worshipping.  Be creative!

And to my other readers out there in McCormick --- the huggers, if you will --- next time you're passing the peace in worship, be mindful of others who might not be comfortable with hugging.  If someone offers you a handshake or a high-five --- respect the boundary they are creating for themselves.  There should be someway that huggers and non-huggers alike can get along in this crazy world we call seminary.

Happy Homeletic High-fiving!

                                             Herald, Ram Extraordinaire